Society has allowed rapists to define what resistance is: screaming, crying, scratching, pushing, kicking, biting, punching. I didn’t resist like that. My resistance was to wriggle a bit, turn my head away when he tried to kiss me, try to stop his hand going into my bra and knickers, push him ineffectually, talk about wanting to get my cab; all things which normal men recognise as not being enthusiastic participation when they are engaging with women but pretend it’s a grey area when they talk about rape. Rapists have managed to get society to believe, that what I did, was consent.
Because I didn’t resist in the way rapists - and society - say that women should resist, they define our non-participation as consent.
A section of the article “How I became a rape victim”
BOOM, rape culture at work… Can I also add, when you are in a situation that involves rape or you think might involve rape or looks like it might involve rape in a few minutes, its usually pretty scary to scream and kick… Especially if you know this person and sometimes might even care about them and think they care about you too. It is much more likely that you’ll say “No.. Lets stop.. I don’t want to right now..” etc
All of the above.
Also: at some point it often becomes apparent that the rapist is intending to have sex with you against your will. If you did something that indicated you didn’t want to have sex—if you pushed them off or grabbed their hands away or said “I’m tired, maybe I should get a cab”—and the other person ignored it, that sends the message that they don’t care about your consent at all. Why would you say “no” a fourth time when the first, second, and third “no”s meant nothing?
Unless you have the state of mind and physical strength to fight your rapist off and unless you’re lucky enough to be able to live with the emotional/financial/social consequences of screaming/hitting/punching/running, it doesn’t always make sense to “violently resist.”
Exactly. And when your lack of consent is being ignored, when you know that this person (usually someone you know, someone you care about, someone you love) intends to hurt you, a lot of people would be very aware that screaming, hitting, attempting to run could make that hurt so much worse. So you stop, and you stay still, and you wait for it to be over.
And then people tell you it wasn’t rape, because you stopped, and stayed still, and waited for it to be over.
I once met a guy who told me that he sexually harasses women all the time, basically any chance he can get. he said he wouldn’t harass me because he “knew better” — he “knew not to bother radical feminists.” I said, “do you support rape?” he shook his head and said, “of course not.” I said, “don’t you realize that what you’re doing is facilitating rape culture? you’re facilitating and promoting and participating in rape culture.” he didn’t make the connection. needless to say, he identifies as “very liberal” and practices BDSM. who raises these people? this country is fucking sick
(TW: rape, sexual assault.)
Two weeks ago a man in France was arrested for raping his daughter. She’d gone to her school counselor and then the police, but they needed “hard evidence.” So, she videotaped her next assault. Her father was eventually arrested. His attorney explained, “There was a period when he was unemployed and in the middle of a divorce. He insists that these acts did not stretch back further than three or four months. His daughter says longer. But everyone should be very careful in what they say.” Because, really, even despite her seeking help, her testimony, her bravery in setting up a webcam to film her father raping her, you really can’t believe what the girl says, can you?
Everyone “knows” this. Even children.
Three years ago, in fly-on-the-wall fashion of parent drivers everywhere, I listened while a 14-year-old girl in the back seat of my car described how angry she was that her parents had stopped allowing her to walk home alone just because a girl in her neighborhood “claimed she was raped.” When I asked her if there was any reason to think the girl’s story was not true, she said, “Girls lie about rape all the time.”
She didn’t know the person, she just assumed she was lying.
No one says, “You can’t trust women,” but distrust them we do. College students surveyed revealed that they think up to 50% of their female peers lie when they accuse someone of rape, despite wide-scale evidence and multi-country studies that show the incident of false rape reports to be in the 2%-8% range, pretty much the same as false claims for other crimes. As late as 2003, people jokingly (wink, wink) referred to Philadelphia’s sex crimes unit as “the lying bitch unit.” If an 11-year-old girl told an adult that her father took out a Craigslist ad to find someone to beat and rape her while he watched, as recently actually occurred, what do you think the response would be? Would she need to provide a videotape after the fact?
It goes way beyond sexual assault as well. That’s just the most likely and obvious demonstration of “women are born to lie” myths. Women’s credibility is questioned in the workplace, in courts, by law enforcement, indoctors’ offices, and in our political system. People don’t trust women to be bosses, or pilots, or employees. Pakistan’s controversial Hudood Ordinance still requires a female rape victim to procure four male witnesses to her rape or risk prosecution for adultery. In August, a survey of managers in the United States revealed that they overwhelmingly distrust women who request flextime. It’s notable, of course, that women are trusted to be mothers—the largest pool of undervalued, unpaid, economically crucial labor.
Pop culture and art are just the cherry on the top of the icing on a huge cake. The United States is among the most religious of all countries in the industrialized world. So, while some people wring their hands over hip hop, I’m more worried about how men like Rick Santorum and Ken Cuccinelli explain to their daughters why they can’t be priests. I know that there is hip hop that exceeds the bounds of taste and is sodden with misogyny. But, people seem to think that those manifestations of hatred are outside of the mainstream when, in reality, it’s just more of the same set to great beats. Hip hop has nothing on religious misogyny and its political expression.
An entire political party’s “social policy” agenda is being pursued under a rubric that insists women need “permission slips” and “waiting periods.” The recent shutdown? Conservatives holding the country hostage because they want to add anti-abortion “conscience clause” language to legislation. Whose consciences are we talking about? All the morally incompetent and untrustworthy men who need abortions?
It’s no exaggeration to say that distrust of women is the driving force of the “social issues” agenda of the Republican Party. From food stamps and “legitimate rape,” to violence against women and immigration policy. “We need to target the mother. Call it sexist, but that’s the way nature made it,” explained the man who penned Arizona’s immigration law. “Men don’t drop anchor babies, illegal alien mothers do.” I could do this ad infinitum.
few things infuriate me more than when journalists and journalism students “incorrectly” “use” “quotations” to “discredit” “victims” of “crimes” “that” “definitely” “occurred” “if” “the perpetrators were tried” and “found” “guilty” and “if there is actual evidence” “quotations” “aren’t” necessary you jerk
it uses a Facebook-style social network (“Spacebook”) as the main vehicle for a life sim— well, said social network is so realistic that it includes sexual harassment.
I made a female character who was only interested in women, and she received multiple sexually explicit messages from men (crass things like, “i’d like to park my spaceship in your hanger, if you know what i mean”).
there is no way to get rid of these messages. you can post insults on their walls, but then they come back the next day and continue harassing you anyway. there is no block feature. it is actually worse than Facebook in this sense. there is no recourse.
more so, when you insult these men, you actually lose points with other people. yes, you are punished for defending yourself from sexual harassment.
you are basically paying money to be sexually harassed. i wanted to like this game, and the concept of the game, but wow. it’s supremely fucked up and i still feel kind of triggered and tense after trying it out last night.
Feb. 1 2013
Amid the parties and fun of Super Bowl 2013, authorities say, there is a dark underworld of girls and women being forced into the sex trade. Sitting in the festive lobby of a New Orleans hotel, festooned with San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens decorations, Clemmie Greenlee, a former victim of sex trafficking from Nashville, recalled being brought to cities around the South to prostitute for those attending such large-scale events.
For Greenlee’s pimps, the influx of people provided a massive money-making opportunity.
“When they come to these kinds of events, the first thing you’re told is how many you’re gonna perform a day,” she said Friday. “You’ve got to go through 25 men a day, or you’re going through 50 of them. When they give you that number, you better make that number.”
Having been abducted and gang-raped by her captors at age 12, Greenlee said, she was one of about eight girls controlled by a ring of pimps, men who injected them with heroin and, at times, kept them handcuffed to beds. For trying to run away, she was once stabbed in the back.
Now 53, Greenlee works at Eden House in Uptown New Orleans, the first shelter for sex-trafficking victims in Louisiana; the center opened in October 2012.
“If you don’t make that number (of sex customers), you’re going to dearly, dearly, severely pay for it,” Greenlee said. “I mean with beatings, I mean with over and over rapings. With just straight torture. The worst torture they put on you is when they make you watch the other girl get tortured because of your mistake.”
Sex and Super Bowls
In the past year, authorities in Louisiana have been working to raise awareness about the rampant sex trafficking that has historically accompanied the Super Bowl. While there is a widespread perception that human trafficking is a problem only in foreign countries, data from the U.S. Department of Justice show the average American prostitute begins working between the ages of 12 and 14.
Established in 2006, the Louisiana Human Trafficking Task Force, comprised of federal, state and local law enforcement agencies, plus faith-based and nongovernmental organizations, has been meeting regularly to try to increase trafficking arrests and rescue the victims.
As a tourist destination, New Orleans attracts sex workers year-round, said Bryan Cox, spokesman for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security in New Orleans. But many of those young women are not here by choice. So, in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, both outreach and undercover efforts have ramped up.
Those efforts have paid off to some degree already. As of Thursday, at least eight men had been booked with sex trafficking and five female victims had been rescued from their clutches, Cox said, noting that such cases are investigated jointly by the New Orleans Police Department, State Police, the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI, among others.
Two of the women, ages 21 and 24, were brought to Covenant House, a homeless shelter for young people at the edge of the French Quarter, according to executive director James Kelly. After taking a shower and spending the night, however, the women left without accepting the services Kelly and others were trying to offer them.
“We believe they went back to turning tricks,” Kelly said. “We did our best to try to care for them and try to get them to stay, but they were 21 and 24, and there was no way we could force them to stay, and neither could the FBI.”
Such behavior is common, Greenlee said, noting that she had repeatedly returned to her captors after stays in the hospital or jail, mainly out of fear. She said many times, the women are brainwashed; they believe they have no other options, no future to pursue.
“They’re terrified,” she said. “You can say you’re going to save us, you can say we don’t have to worry about the pimps no more. We already know what power they have shown us. So either you come back to them, or you find out two days later they either got your grandmother or they just broke your little baby’s arm.
“There’s no such thing as we want to go back to these guys,” she said. “We do not feel that no one — not even the law — can protect us, and we do not want to die. I’d rather live in that misery and pain than to die.”
Messages on bars of soap
Aside from police sting operations, advocacy groups and local police agencies have been trying to combat the problem by handing out pamphlets to local hotel concierges, bartenders and club bouncers, asking them to be on the lookout for women who appear fearful and show signs of being controlled by the men they’re with. One of the signs a woman is being trafficked is that she is not allowed to speak for herself, advocates say.
Some groups have been handing out to hotels bars of soap that have a sex trafficking hotline phone number on them, hoping that women who are desperate to escape will see the number on the soap bar and take a chance on a phone call that could save them. Other groups have been providing strip clubs with posters that urge people to call in tips.
For Greenlee, her chance at a turnaround came from a similar help card in Nashville. Having run away from her captors in her 30s, she said, they did not chase after her because she had “aged out.” Living in an abandoned house in Nashville, shooting heroin with other junkies and prostituting herself, she had lost all hope of a normal life.
But one woman, a former sex worker who knew Greenlee and had graduated from Magdalene House, a safe house program in Nashville — the philosophy of which Eden House was based on — visited Greenlee almost weekly. She would leave little cards with the Magdalene House telephone number on them. But having given up, Greenlee shunned the woman and her cards.
After about five months of cards piling up, one day Greenlee woke up and realized she needed to take the chance. She was 42 years old. “I went to the phone and I pulled out some of them 99 pieces of paper that girl had left.
“The one thing I had in my head was, ‘If I learn how to live and heal, I can get back and get those girls. I can go back and tell people what they do to us,’” she said. “I’m not ashamed of what done happened to me. I don’t care if I never get a husband. It just don’t make no sense that we had to go through this.”
“It’s not as easy as saying, ‘Call this number, escape,’” said Kara Van De Carr, executive director of Eden House. “But women who have hit rock bottom and realize they’re going to die in that lifestyle will try anything to get out.”
Authorities urge those who suspect trafficking to contact local police or the Department of Homeland Security at 1.866.347.2423. The National Human Trafficking Resource Center also staffs a toll-free 24-hour hotline at 888-373-7888.
Margo Maine, Ph.D. (Body Wars)
There was a time that, as a person of the male persuasion, seeing this quote made me really mad. It made me mad that women would assume that I was a rapist; it made me mad that rape was becoming ‘my problem’; it made me mad because, frankly, I didn’t think it was true. I think that this is a really common male attitude when confronted with rape statistics- or, at least, it has been in my purely anecdotal experience.
But now, I know there is no excuse for that. Men need to take responsibility and look at these numbers for what they really are, and what they really, truly represent. Men, don’t be mad at the woman who is justifiably wary that more than half of the men she knows could be her potential rapist. Don’t be mad at that there’s someone trying to rain on your fun, privileged parade where rape is something that only happens on Law & Order. Don’t be mad that you can’t accept that rape is way more common than you think. Most of all, don’t be mad at the woman who was raped and is seeking justice and help for her assault just because you thinks she looks like she was ‘asking for it.’
Be mad at the man who waits in the park to prey on the women who have a right to feel safe in their own communities. Be mad at the man who takes advantage of his drunk girlfriend. Be mad at the man who pushes the issue when his wife isn’t in the mood. Be mad at the man who catcalls, who makes unwelcome advances, who cops a feel.
Don’t be angry at the woman who doesn’t entirely trust you. Be angry at the men who have made her feel that way. Don’t be a part of a problem.
Be a part of the solution.
to my fellow white bio-males: be mad that there are so many men out there who don’t give a shit about consent. DON’T be mad that someone has harshed your mellow with facts; you do not have a right to go through life unchallenged.
Just reading the top quote makes me anxious.
[Image description: a person holding up a sign that says, “I need feminism because I shouldn’t feel like prey when a man looks at me.”]
NEW COLLEGE NEEDS FEMINISM, Vol. 2
All photos: Taylor Marie Meredith
I feel this so hard. This is why I have headphones in 24/7 when I’m out walking even if I’m not actually listening to music I have them in so men won’t bother me and I will fucking slap anyone who says I’m exaggerating bc it does. It happens all the time and everywhere and especially in a large metropolitan area like NYC there is so much scum running around you cannot escape it. And seriously fuck you if you think New Yorkers are cold or stuck up— I can say with a large amount of confidence that for women? It’s because we don’t want to get killed.
I’ve gotten threatened on the street, I’ve gotten catcalled multiple times. I remember every fucking asshole who did it, remember their face, the humiliation, the violation, the feeling of danger and to this day I fantasize sometimes about beating the living shit out of them and ripping out their tongues and breaking their faces so they can’t do this to women anymore.
“[trigger warning LIKE WHOA at the link for rape culture, coercion, molestation, and general unwanted attention]” (TWs via @moniquill)
Earlier in this pregnancy, I filled out my “Initial Health History” form for prenatal and birth care. You know: check the box if you’ve experienced severe headaches, diabetes, all sorts of things. After the usual “Emotional abuse,” “Physical abuse,” “Sexual abuse,” I got to this very interesting item: ”ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact.”
read the link. so spot on.
[trigger warning LIKE WHOA at the link for rape culture, coercion, molestation, and general unwanted attention]
Because I can hardly stand the thought of these constant erosions of personhood seeming normal to our daughters and sons.
Everyone needs to read this.
I know that the concept of “rape culture” can be really hard to understand if you’re new to it or just not quite sure what it entails. It took me a painfully long time to recognize that a lot of my behaviors — jokes, apologia, defending perpetrators, victim-blaming, &c — were contributing in ways I didn’t have the ability to recognize but did have the ability to change. It’s a constant struggle, too, tbh, because the learned habits of a lifetime are still reinforced by society even as I try to unlearn them.
If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at someone being ~hysterical~ or ~humorless~ or ~uptight~ about feminism or rape culture or victim blaming or misogyny or safe spaces or bodily autonomy, or if you’re looking for a way to explain those things to someone else, this essay might help.
Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak, on the question “Have any readers ever asked questions that shocked you?”
Read that again. Read it again, and again, and again. Over and over guys have asked her why Melinda was so upset about being raped. This is a girl who went to a party with friends. She was thirteen. She had a drink, because everyone else was. And a senior held her down and raped her while she was too drunk to get away.
And guys don’t understand why she was upset.
Read that again and then come back and tell me again why I should just shut up and take a joke when a comedian blows off rape as a big deal, or women’s bodies are casually treated as commodities in media. Remind me why I shouldn’t care about the very real harm that society’s treatment of women and sexual assault does.
FUCK. LOGAN HAD THIS GORGEOUS DATE PLANNED AND YOU FIND OUT ONE DETAIL AND INSTEAD OF TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT YOU JUST FUCKING STAND HIM UP. VERONICA MARS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?
you mean the part where she thinks he might be complicit in her RAPE? How dare she …
Not just complicit. At this point, she thinks he might have been the one to rape her. He was the one with the drugs. He hated her at that point. He gave them to Tad, who used them on his girlfriend to video Carmen doing something she wouldn’t have done on her own.
Like, if I were Veronica, going on a boat with the guy I think may have already raped me would be the last thing I would actively and voluntarily do. Talking to that guy ever again would be the last thing I would actively and voluntarily do.
And she doesn’t go after him right away. She’s trying to figure all of this out, because the idea that it could have been Logan, that Logan could be her rapist, hurts her. But not talking to him about it? That is the most understandable thing. Because if he were the one to have raped her, he’s also the guy who has now made out with her a bunch of times and been as sweet as pie to her too. So, what’s the outcome of this, if it was him? Would it really be logical for her to believe he’d just tell her the truth?
Yeah, that final image of Logan on the yacht wondering where Veronica is hurts like a Lego to the foot. Because he didn’t do it, and he has no idea what Veronica has been living through for the past year. Has no idea what she has been living with, or the extent of trauma she has endured. But it’s not just about his pain. It’s about hers. Her pain should be centered here, because she’s the one who was raped.
Not disagreeing to anything here, but this is an intense response to a reaction post of a first time watcher who probably posted before taking the time to digest what just happened. And probably hasn’t made it to ATTtD yet.
I can’t fault a new viewer for having the reaction the yacht scene was designed to create. It’ll come with repeat viewings.
Is it supposed to create that feeling, though?
Because I understand feeling for Logan, I do. But if the scene is meant to have elicit a “Veronica, how dare you not think of the boy who might have raped you instead of focusing on the fact that you were raped?”, then that is… really very problematic for me.
Like I said, when I first watched that scene to now, I experience a lot of emotional pain for Logan. But if that scene is supposed to supersede a viewer’s understanding/sympathy for Veronica’s pain, then this show isn’t what I thought it was. Because if I’m supposed to sympathize with the stood up guy over the sexually violated girl, then I’m not for that show at all.
And I even intellectually understand relating to Logan more to Veronica or liking Logan more than Veronica, even if I don’t personally have that same reaction. But I also don’t think it’s intense to point out to a new viewer/fan that one of these characters was raped, and the other wasn’t - and that the one detail the rape victim/survivor/whatever found out is that the one who wasn’t raped might be her rapist.
That’s a big detail, is all I’m saying.
For real. If that scene was designed to make us sympathize more for Logan than for Veronica, THE VICTIM OF RAPE, to feel more for her POTENTIAL RAPIST than for our heroine, then that is a show I’ll have nothing to do with.
What does it matter that it was a first time viewer who made the post? If anyone comes away from that episode angry at Veronica for standing up the guy who potentially raped her they need to be corrected, no matter how many times they watched the damn episode.