As a man, I have no problem with women generalizing men as rapists, misogynists, yada yada. Because I’ve seen men do some vile shit and had to stop even viler shit from happening. This is from the 3rd grade to now. Waayyy out of line touching, sick name-calling, physical abuse, all dat shit. I see looks in men’s eyes that make me uncomfortable, so imagine how a woman who couldn’t properly defend herself from a man is feeling. Again, this is shit I’ve seen at the age of nine and I still see it. Very disturbing. And I’m not talking about strangers. I know niggas in my family, young and old, that exhibit some scary behavior towards females. I do not fuck with it.
I got three little sisters and hella younger female cousins. Anything like that happening to them takes my mind to very dark places. So I have no problem with a woman generalizing all men as rapists. You know what I call that? Self-preservation. If that is what you gotta do to ensure your safety, then do that shit to the fullest. Sadly in the wrong place and at the wrong time, that won’t be enough to protect you.
I’ll never say “But I’m not like that” or “All men ain’t like that” to a woman who is talking about her actual life experiences. What type of shit is that? I don’t have to make myself feel better about what type of man I am, because I already know. I also have seen the worst in men. I don’t like it.
Generalize the fuck outta me. Protect yourself. Because Ima tell my sisters the same thing.
(via trubr0wn)
If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways.
And we should not be surprised when they behave these ways during attempted or completed rapes.
Women who are taught not to speak up too loudly or too forcefully or too adamantly or too demandingly are not going to shout “NO” at the top of their goddamn lungs just because some guy is getting uncomfortably close.
Women who are taught not to keep arguing are not going to keep saying “NO.”
Women who are taught that their needs and desires are not to be trusted, are fickle and wrong and are not to be interpreted by the woman herself, are not going to know how to argue with “but you liked kissing, I just thought…”
Women who are taught that physical confrontations make them look crazy will not start hitting, kicking, and screaming until it’s too late, if they do at all.
Women who are taught that a display of their emotional state will have them labeled hysterical and crazy (which is how their perception of events will be discounted) will not be willing to run from a room disheveled and screaming and crying.
Women who are taught that certain established boundaries are frowned upon as too rigid and unnecessary are going to find themselves in situations that move further faster before they realize that their first impression was right, and they are in a dangerous room with a dangerous person.
Women who are taught that refusing to flirt back results in an immediately hostile environment will continue to unwillingly and unhappily flirt with somebody who is invading their space and giving them creep alerts.
People wonder why women don’t “fight back,” but they don’t wonder about it when women back down in arguments, are interrupted, purposefully lower and modulate their voices to express less emotion, make obvious signals that they are uninterested in conversation or being in closer physical proximity and are ignored. They don’t wonder about all those daily social interactions in which women are quieter, ignored, or invisible, because those social interactions seem normal. They seem normal to women, and they seem normal to men, because we were all raised in the same cultural pond, drinking the same Kool-Aid.
And then, all of a sudden, when women are raped, all these natural and invisible social interactions become evidence that the woman wasn’t truly raped. Because she didn’t fight back, or yell loudly, or run, or kick, or punch. She let him into her room when it was obvious what he wanted. She flirted with him, she kissed him. She stopped saying no, after a while.
Harriet J on Another post about rape
Shattering truth.
(via reconnect-restore-rewild)
(via cmao)
Men who want to flirt with women have to realize: Women live in a state of continual vigilance about sexual safety. It’s like having a mild case of hay fever that never goes away. It’s not debilitating. You’re not weak. You’re not afraid. You just suck it up and get on with your life. It’s nothing that’s going to stop you from making discoveries, or climbing mountains, or falling in love. Sometimes you can almost forget about it. It doesn’t mean it’s not there, subtly sucking your energy. You learn to avoid situations that make it worse and seek out conditions that make it better.
If a female stranger is wary around you, it is not because she suspects you are a rapist, or that all men are rapists. It’s because a general level of circumspection is what vigilance requires. Don’t take it personally.
If this frustrates you, try to remember that women are blamed for lapsed vigilance. If a woman does get raped, everyone rushes to see where she let her guard down. Was she drinking? Was she alone? Was she wearing a short skirt? Did she go to a strange man’s room for coffee at 4am?
A woman must be seen to be vigilant as well as be vigilant. If she is deemed insufficiently vigilant, she will be at least partly blamed for any sexual violence that befalls her. If she’s regarded as downright reckless, that “evidence” can be used to completely exonerate her rapist. If it comes down to a he said/she said dispute over whether sex was consensual, as so many rape cases do, the dispute becomes a referendum on whether the woman seems like the sort of reckless person who would have sex with a stranger.
If a woman does go back to a strange man’s hotel room at 4am, even if she only wants a coffee and conversation, she’s more or less given him the power to rape her. No jury is going to believe she went up there for anything but sex. So, don’t be surprised if a stranger reacts badly to that suggestion.
Attention, Space Cadets: Do Not Proposition Women in the Elevator
I wish I didn’t need to reblog stuff like this. I wish people *got it*. But judging from the ridiculous response to these posts, stuff like this clearly still needs to be repeated.
(via lavender-labia)
This actually made me cry. Ugh.
(via m0nikered)
Will always reblog
(via thelittlekneesofbees)
(via thelittlekneesofbees)
![mohandasgandhi:
humanrightswatch:
The US must stop sexual violence against immigrant farmworkers.
Hundreds of thousands of immigrant farmworker women and girls in the United States face a high risk of sexual violence and sexual harassment in their workplaces because US authorities and employers fail to protect them adequately.
In a new 95-page report, Human Rights Watch documents rape, stalking, unwanted touching, exhibitionism, or vulgar and obscene language by supervisors, employers, and others in positions of power. Most farmworkers interviewed said they had experienced such treatment or knew others who had. And most said they had not reported these or other workplace abuses, fearing reprisals. Those who had filed sexual harassment claims or reported sexual assault to the police had done so with the encouragement and assistance of survivor advocates or attorneys in the face of difficult challenges.
Farmworkers described experiences such as the following:
A woman in California reported that a supervisor at a lettuce company raped her and later told her that she “should remember it’s because of him that [she has] this job.”
A woman in New York said that a supervisor, when she picked potatoes and onions, would touch women’s breasts and buttocks. If they tried to resist, he would threaten to call immigration or fire them.
Four women who had worked together packing cauliflower in California said a supervisor would regularly expose himself and make comments like, “[That woman] needs to be fucked!” When they tried to defend one young woman whom he singled out for particular abuse, he fired all of them.
© 2011 AP Photo
This is important.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m44gqjcK131r2y8uzo1_500.jpg)
The US must stop sexual violence against immigrant farmworkers.
Hundreds of thousands of immigrant farmworker women and girls in the United States face a high risk of sexual violence and sexual harassment in their workplaces because US authorities and employers fail to protect them adequately.
In a new 95-page report, Human Rights Watch documents rape, stalking, unwanted touching, exhibitionism, or vulgar and obscene language by supervisors, employers, and others in positions of power. Most farmworkers interviewed said they had experienced such treatment or knew others who had. And most said they had not reported these or other workplace abuses, fearing reprisals. Those who had filed sexual harassment claims or reported sexual assault to the police had done so with the encouragement and assistance of survivor advocates or attorneys in the face of difficult challenges.
Farmworkers described experiences such as the following:
- A woman in California reported that a supervisor at a lettuce company raped her and later told her that she “should remember it’s because of him that [she has] this job.”
- A woman in New York said that a supervisor, when she picked potatoes and onions, would touch women’s breasts and buttocks. If they tried to resist, he would threaten to call immigration or fire them.
- Four women who had worked together packing cauliflower in California said a supervisor would regularly expose himself and make comments like, “[That woman] needs to be fucked!” When they tried to defend one young woman whom he singled out for particular abuse, he fired all of them.
© 2011 AP Photo
This is important.
(via bonjoursex)
1. Dan Savage hates trans people and uses transphobic slurs.
“Children have a right to some stability and constancy from the adults in their lives. Perhaps I’m a transphobic bigot, but I honestly think waiting a measly 36 months to cut your dick is a sacrifice any father should be willing to make for his 15-year-old son. Call me old-fashioned.
Unfortunately, your ex wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice (selfish tranny!), or it never occurred to him to make that sacrifice (stupid tranny!)…. If your son can’t deal with having his dad/mom/whatever around right now, support him and tell his dad/mom/whatever to leave the two of you alone for the time being.”
2. Dan Savage believes that bisexuals do not and should not exist.
“I’m not saying bi guys are bad people, or they don’t make great one-night stands. Bushes, bathhouses, and sleazy gay bars are crawling with bi guys. But if a guy wants more, he’ll have an easier time getting it from another gay man.”
3. Dan Savage has admonished women for not putting up with their partner’s sexual desires and has criticized female rape survivors’ stories.
“There the guy was, boned for you, and he was brave enough to put his desires out there, to make himself vulnerable (which is what the ladies are always saying they want, right?), and you lobbed the ol’ “What?!?” bomb at him and made him feel like a freak. Is it any wonder that he quickly moved on to “other things” and, one would hope, better sex partners?”
“I’m extremely sorry that you were raped, DRARS, although your baseless accusations of rape make me doubt you when you claim to be a survivor of rape. The feminist bloggers are going to accuse me of thought crimes: If a woman says she was raped then, by God, she was raped. (Tell it to the lacrosse team.) But if my reaction to your letter is a thought crime, I can only plead entrapment: I wouldn’t have had these illegal thoughts if you hadn’t sent me such a stupid letter in the first place… Finally, DRARS, I hereby withdraw my consent for you to read Savage Love. If you continue to read my column against my will, well, we all know what word to apply to your actions.”
4. Dan Savage thinks that racist gay white men are less of a threat to African-Americans than homophobic African-Americans are to gay people.
EDIT: The quote below is indeed Dan’s response to Prop 8 and black homophobia, I have added some more of the senseless shit that has spewed out of his mouth so that no one will be confused as to how much of an asshole he is:
“I do know this, though: I’m done pretending that the handful of racist gay white men out there—and they’re out there, and I think they’re scum—are a bigger problem for African Americans, gay and straight, than the huge numbers of homophobic African Americans are for gay Americans, whatever their color…I’ll eat my shorts if gay and lesbian voters went for McCain at anything approaching the rate that black voters went for Prop 8.”
EDIT: Here are some more lovely gems from our resident asshole Dan Savage on his rampant hatred for everything not white, male, and gay:
5. Dan Savage thinks asexuals are secretly “fags”.
“I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I’m sorry I offended you. But… um… I couldn’t help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?”
6. Dan Savage is fatphobic.
“First off, LARDASS, you neglected to include a sign-off, forcing me to create one for you. I tried to create one that captured the spirit and tone of your letter, and I think I did pretty well… I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as ‘hate speech.’”
EDIT: I’ve got a lot of requests for citations, so here they are. They get even worse, believe me — the sexual kink that Savage admonishes the woman for was because he believed it was totally ok for her boyfriend wanting to put his nutsack into her vagina. Because that is a totally unsurprising sexual desire to request for.
TRIGGER WARNING: These articles contain transphobic comments/slurs, victim-blaming, racism, hatred of all kinds and colors
1. Transphobia
2. Biphobia (Here’s another where he basically blames Bisexuals for their own oppression….yeah.)
3. Sexism (kink) / Sexism (victim-blaming)
4. Racism & Prop 8 (Here’s another bullshit article he did on the same topic)
5. Acephobia
6. Fat-shaming (Here’s a rant where he says that Iowa should ban fat marriage instead of banning gay marriage because that totally makes more sense)
- Forcing Women to Sleep In Their Own Menstrual Blood: In Arpaio’s jails, “female Latino LEP prisoners have been denied basic sanitary items. In some instances, female Latino LEP prisoners have been forced to remain with sheets or pants soiled from menstruation because of MCSO’s failure to ensure that detention officers provide language assistance in such circumstances.”
- Assaulting Pregnant Women: “[A]n MCSO officer stopped a Latina woman – a citizen of the United States and five months pregnant at the time – as she pulled into her driveway. After she exited her car, the officer then insisted that she sit on the hood of the car. When she refused, the officer grabbed her arms, pulled them behind her back, and slammed her, stomach first, into the vehicle three times. He then dragged her to the patrol car and shoved her into the backseat. He left her in the patrol car for approximately 30 minutes without air conditioning. The MCSO officer ultimately issued a citation for failure to provide identification.”
- Stalking Latino Women: “In another instance, during a crime suppression operation, two MCSO officers followed a Latina woman, a citizen of the United States, for a quarter of a mile to her home. The officers did not turn on their emergency lights, but insisted that the woman remain in her car when she attempted to exit the car and enter her home. The officers’ stated reasons for approaching the woman was a non-functioning license plate light. When the woman attempted to enter her home, the officers used force to take her to the ground, kneed her in the back, and handcuffed her. The woman was then taken to an MCSO substation, cited for ‘disorderly conduct,’ and returned home. The disorderly conduct citation was subsequently dismissed.”
- Criminalizing Being a Latino: “During raids, [Arpaio’s Criminal Enforcement Squad] typically seizes all Latinos present, whether they are listed on the warrant or not. For example, in one raid CES had a search warrant for 67 people, yet 109 people were detained. Fifty-nine people were arrested and 50 held for several hours before they were released. Those detained, but not on the warrant, were seized because they were Latino and present at the time of the raid. No legal justification existed for their detention.”
- 6. Ignoring Rape: Because of Arpaio’s obsessive focus on “low-level immigration offenses” his officers failed “to adequately respond to reports of sexual violence, including allegations of rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse of girls.” (note* I skipped #5 because ignoring rape is much more gross to me than their listed #5)
And that’s just a few of the many inhumane and disgusting crimes Joe Arpaio has committed against immigrants, and in some cases, U.S. citizens. Click here to read about his widespread use of racial slurs, racial profiling, random and unlawful detention of Latinos, among other atrocities Sheriff Joe Arpaio is responsible for.
[Warning to white people reading this thread: DO NOT fucking warp these stories. Neither mine, nor other people’s. And these are awful, horrible stories we have, yeah, but let us express our feelings. You do it all the time.]
I was offered money to sleep with a white woman’s friend.
I was in undergraduate and trying to go to class. It was close to the middle of the day. I was walking by this coffee shop on the way, and it was these who white women in a car. One of them asked me to get in the car to make money.
Being curious, but never intending on getting into a car with two strange white bitches, I asked what for. They were reluctant to tell me at first, but the white woman whispered their intentions in my ear. I guess the white bitch was curious about what it’s like sleeping with a black woman.
I told them to “fuck off” and left. I was called a “homophobe.”
I was openly IDing as queer at the time.
I didn’t go to class. I couldn’t. I had to go back to my apartment and stay in there.
And that’s really the most recent time I remember being “proposed” (though I hate referring to it as that…I prefer to call it what it is — harassment. A proposal at least means you know there’s a probability of the other person being willing. And that’s why white people call it such, I think. They always think black women are willing, you know, being jezebels).
There have been other times.
White people, INCLUDING PRESHUS, INNOCENT WHITE WOMEN, can be the most fucking sick people ever. But they desperately try to cover stories like this up so that they will never have to face our humanity and them acting monstrous.
And oh, I guess there’s not enough “objective evidence” here anyway for white people to believe me. Not like you ever do.
I’ve never spoken about this with anyone; not my family, not my parents, not my therapist, not anyone.
When I was four (yes, four years old) I went to a catholic school. The Pre-K, Kindergarden and elementary classes were separated by about two rooms, the teacher’s lounge and the “repentance room.” This was basically a teeny tiny little jail where kids went when teachers felt they had “sinned.” I spent a lot of time in that little room.
I could go into a lot about how not only I, but most other POC students were attacked and sexually harassed by the white teachers, including the pastor, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make right now.
During recess, all of the kids played together on the playground. I was antisocial. I didn’t like being around the other children and they didn’t like being around me so I would usually sit under the tree across from the swings and monkey bars.
One recess, three white girls came up by my tree and started asking me questions. They were 11 - 12 years old and much bigger than me, and I was afraid of them. They asked me about my parents and my family and they asked me how often I prayed. I answered their questions because I didn’t have much option and I hoped that they would go away. Instead, one of them took my hand and led me into the girl’s bathroom. When we were inside the bathroom, they began removing my clothes. I started to panic, but they told me if I cried, they’d beat me up. One of them pulled this plant out of their pocket, I still don’t know what kind of plant it was, but it was sharp. It had raided edges. The girls spread my four year old legs and shoved that plant thing inside of me, all the while calling me heinous names: nigger, slut, little bitch. I bled for about a month after that. They left the plant in me and sent me back to class after recess. During nap time, when I tried to take it out, my teacher sent me to the repentance room.
I told this story because people need to understand that incidents like this happen to black girls as young as four years old. Fetishization of black bodies starts at BIRTH and never ends. And racism exists in schools, even for children this young. This is what happens when you live in a white supremacist society. White people, white CHILDREN, learn that POC bodies belong to them, to do what they please with. The saddest part is that I know, I KNOW, that nothing would’ve been done about it even if I had told a teacher. They didn’t consider me human, either.
I just…*hugs*.
And I didn’t know whether I should reblog this story on my blog or not because you said you never shared it before (and let me know if you don’t feel comfortable with me reblogging at any time), but I just wanted to let you know I listened to it and empathize greatly — more than words can tell. I was molested when I was 7 by a teenage boy, then I remember being sexualized by grown men when I was a little girl. It DOES happen by the time we’re born. Literally. When we’re innocent little children.
I can’t even talk about what happened to me as a kid.
Is there a black girl out there who actually had an age of innocence? Or would we just find out that every one of us got to carry this load around starting from when we were children? little children of single digit age.
And those people, who did these things to us, would they even be called pedophiles, predators, or rapists? I doubt it. I never heard of a girl who spoke out and got justice if she wasn’t white. I heard plenty of stories of little girls gang raped and sexually tortured and then getting the blame for it. Who would speak, if not for justice? Who would speak, and invite the consequences? Denying that rape happened to little girls of colour happens every day.
When I shared my stories with my therapist, she continuously re-affirmed that I was just an innocent baby born into this world. And I actually cried at that, because…I’ve never thought of myself as such after everything I’ve been through. I was blaming myself for being sexually harassed and molested when I was a little girl. Then, I blamed myself for repressing the memories for so long. Then, I was blamed by my white family when I tried to tell them all the abuse I went through for “not telling them soon enough,” and I was mainly dismissed and disbelieved. Because I was talking about friends of the family — people they talked to and liked.
And there is no fucking justice, and people who do this to us never, ever get punished. They continue to live their lives when we’re expected to “not play the victim” and “quit crying and whining” and being told “we don’t hate you because you’re a black girl!” all at the same time. How culturalized and institutionalized this all is can just drive us to insanity. Part of the key to my survival is trying to cling onto the sanity I have left and gain more and more.
And another key was saying I was an innocent little girl who needed to be protected and cherished. Taking care of my “inner child” has been essential to my surviving too.
All this, and not relying on white people to give me back my innocence, sanity, and not to give me any reassurance or protection whatsoever.
(via cosmopolitan-fascist)
This post is dedicated to all male survivors of sexual assault. I know you’ve been faced with disbelief and cruelty, but I believe you and I support you. I know that this post doesn’t go into detail on female on male sexual assault, but I plan to make a separate “understanding…” post on that.
(-UPDATE- Here is a link to my “Understanding Female on Male Rape” post)
Men and boys are also the victims of the crimes of sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape. In fact, in the U.S., over 10% of all victims are male.
Stereotypes and Myths:
There are various stereotypes and myths that impact male survivors’ ability to face their sexual assault. These include:
- Men are immune to victimization.
- Men should be able to fight off attacks.
- Men shouldn’t express emotion.
- Men enjoy all sex, so they must have enjoyed the assault.
- Male survivors are more likely to become sexual predators.
These stereotypes and myths can then lead to certain results for male victims of sexual assault, including:
- Dramatic loss of self-esteem
- Belief in their masculinity
- Self-blame
- Feelings of shame, guilt, anger
- Feelings of powerlessness, apprehension, withdrawal, and embarrassment
- Fears that they won’t be able to protect and support their families
- Sexual difficulties
- Self-destructive behavior (drinking, drug use, aggression)
- Intimacy issues
- Questioning of sexual identity
Barriers
Male survivors of sexual assault also may experience certain barriers to seeking support or services, either from friends and family or from organizations and institutions.
Support
- It can be difficult for men to seek help for fear of how others will judge them.
- Responses from friends and family can be damaging or unsupportive.
Safety
- Threats to the victim of a sexual assault or his family may have been made by the perpetrator. This may cause him to keep silent.
- In institutions, he may be forced to keep silent through implied and real threats both by the perpetrator and/or by others within the institution.
Privacy
- He may resist reporting the sexual assault due to the need to repeat the story over and over again to police, to prosecutors, and in court.
- He may be unwilling to share details of the assault in order to protect his family from societal judgment.
Self-blame
- He may blame himself for the attack because he was not able to fight the aggressor off.
- He may think that the assault was not rape because he became sexually aroused during the attack (i.e., he had an erection or ejaculated). This is a normal physiological reaction, NOT a sign of enjoyment.
Aftermath
Male survivors of sexual assault may experience a variety of effects that have an impact on their well-being.
Psychological
- Sense of self and concept of “reality” are disrupted
- Profound anxiety, depression, fearfulness, and identity confusion
- Development of phobias related to the assault setting
- Hypochondriacal symptoms (imaginary ailments)
- Paranoia and obsessive fear of bodily harm
- Withdrawal from interpersonal contact and a heightened sense of alienation
- Stress-induced psycho-physiological reactions
- Psychological outcomes can be severe for men because men are socialized to believe that they are immune to sexual assault and because societal reactions to these assaults can be more isolating and stigmatizing.
Heterosexual Men
- He may experience “homosexual panic”- a fear that the assault will make him “become homosexual.”
- He may feel that he is less of a man.
Homosexual Men
- He may feel that he is being “punished” for his sexual orientation.
- He may fear that he was targeted as a member of the homosexual community. This fear may lead him to withdraw from that community.
- He may develop self-loathing related to his sexual orientation.
Relationships / Intimacy
- Relationships may be disrupted by the assault.
- Relationships may be disrupted by other’s reactions to the assault such as a lack of belief/support.
- Relationships may also be disrupted by the victim’s reactions to the assault.
Emotional
- Anger about the assault can lead to hostility.
- Similarly, the overwhelming emotions that come with surviving a sexual assault can lead to emotional withdrawal.
(via daisysnotebook)
I believe I’ve seen a comprehensive description of consent once before. Figured I’d contribute as it’s a subject that bears repeating.
Consent is:
- Non-coercive: If you’re cojoling, threatening or otherwise trying to “convince” someone to engage in a sexual act with you, you are breaking consent. If you asked 16 times and got 15 No’s and 1 Yes, you still did not adequately obtain consent. Also, you’re a weak individual.
- Not fixed: What I mean by this is you shouldn’t take for granted that after asking once for consent that you now have consent forever. It’s not like landing a gig as a Supreme Court judge. You don’t have consent for life. It should be continuously negotiated.
- Dynamic: Related to the above note, consent for one act does not necessitate consent for all acts. Consent is not an EZ Pass. It should be re-addressed constantly for different acts.
- Conscious: Yeah, I want to believe I don’t have to explain this one. Bad enough I had to list it. But ok, yes, an inebriated/asleep/passed out or otherwise not fully coherent person cannot consent. There, you can’t say no one ever told you.
- Unambiguous/Explicit: Assume all of the following to mean “no.” — “Maybe,” “I’m not sure,” “Not yet,” “Kinda,” “Wait a minute,” …I could go on.
- Not contingent upon sexual interest nor sexual arousal: We know. Blue balls are a motherfucker. Still no excuse. Neither your NOR the expressed/implied interest of any potential partners is an invitation to any act. Also, neither your nor the (assumed) arousal of anyone you might want to have sex with is an invitation. Yes, someone might be aroused and still not want to fuck. Crazy times. I know.
- Not compensatory: Yeah, that dinner and a movie were nice. Still not an invitation to fuck. And if you thought it was, you’re a world class asshole.
- Not something that requires a qualifier: No one needs to explain why they are not granting you consent. No is enough.
(via thelittlekneesofbees)
Yes! When I get harassed, I don’t feel comfortable talking back or even looking at the harasser, even though I really want to tell them to fuck off. I get harassed a lot in my current neighborhood when I’m alone and, for this reason, I’ve been wearing more conservative clothes lately (even though many times I’d rather wear something more revealing). I hate this! If you’re a man and you see your friends doing this, please let them know that it is NOT okay. Many women will not stand up for themselves because they are scared of the very real repercussions that can happen. The two times that I have said something in the past couple months, I have been physically harassed as a result. Stand up for the women in your life and stop street harassment when you see it!“Shit Men Say to Men Who Say Shit to Women on the Street” was inspired by International Anti-Street Harassment Week.
It was created by a group of women and men in NYC who believe that street harassment is wrong, and that we all have a role to play in ending it - especially us guys.
The video shows non-violent ways that men can interrupt street harassment as it happens. (And it happens all the time. Seriously. Go check. We will wait.)
Join us by sharing this video. And the next time you witness street harassment - and you will - say some shit. Please.
For more information on this video, email: pleasestopnyc@gmail.com
(TW: Street harassment, sexual assault.) It really sucks when you feel like you have to dress differently than you’d like to just to reduce the amount of street harassment you get. We all know it doesn’t really matter what you wear, though. You can be a 15-year-old girl who’s completely covered up, taking the subway to school, and still get felt up by a disgusting molester. Then you can look the asshole in the eye and tell him, Touch me again and die, causing him to mumble a half-assed apology as he avoids your gaze. That’s what happened to me one morning. I’ll never forget it, and it’s why I’ve never bought into the bullshit idea that dressing whatever way is supposed to reduce your chance of being harassed/assaulted.
(Source: youtube.com)
I was walking near the Port Authority Bus Terminal recently when a balding guy smoking a joint yells “Sexy Asian girl!” I give him a dirty look; he smiles.
As a 26-year-old Korean-American woman, I am wary of men whose attraction to Asian women leads to exaggerated gestures. I still remember Sam, the “Asiaphile” in my freshman dorm who majored in East Asian studies, practiced t’ai chi and presented handmade origami paper cranes to his love interests. Then there was Matt, whom I met at a wedding. When he mentioned that he was “really into Asian girls,” I wasn’t sure what he meant. I wondered if he had some perverse “Oriental” fantasy to satisfy. When I showed no interest, Matt moved on to Grace, the only other Asian girl in a reception of 150.
Asian women are everywhere. We rank No. 11 on the blog “Stuff White People Like” and star in a host of iPhone apps: “Cute Asian Girls” promised; “If you have yellow fever, this app is the cure!” “Asian Boobs,” which heralds our modest-sized racks, was a top seller for the App Store in October.
Now, we’re playing peek-a-boo in “Puff!” In this app, the user selects a photo from a scrolling selection of Japanese women, then blows into the iPhone microphone to lift the woman’s skirt and reveal her undergarments. The more vigorously the user blows and rubs the screen, the higher the skirt flies. Shyly attempting to cover herself, the woman yelps delightedly, wearing an inviting smile. “If the girls don’t react, try changing breath length,” instructions advise. “Winning a special bonus is all up to you!”
I’m infuriated at the thought of sitting next to some pervert on the subway furiously blowing and touching a woman who giggles adorably in response. But what I hate most about this app is that it feeds into an old and tired stereotype. The image of the voiceless, passive Asian woman is a common form of racism in visual media. She’s the “Puff!” woman - cutesy and obedient, she’d never kick a creep to the curb. She’s not too different from that saccharine Hello Kitty, the infantilized mail-order bride who promises to “love you long time” or the hypersexualized character in anime porn.
Passing off sexual stereotypes that reduce women as objects of so-called harmless fetishes is socially irresponsible. And it’s not harmless. By fostering a culture of behavior that denigrates one group of women, all women are denigrated. And that is unacceptable.
In 2005, a white Princeton graduate student admitted to secretly cutting locks of hair from nine Asian women. He apparently took the hair to fill women’s underwear and mittens, which he then used for personal sexual gratification. He even poured his urine and semen into the drinks of Asian women more than 50 times in the student dining hall.
In 2000, two Japanese women in Spokane, Wash., were raped by two white men and a woman who admitted to having a sexual fetish for “submissive” Asian women and targeted them because they believed the women’s submissiveness would prevent the assaults from being reported. In November of last year, police were searching for a serial rapist known for prowling the subway at Union Square for Asian women to follow home.
Contrary to their claim, tongue-in-cheek apps featuring “Cute Asian Girls” hardly “cure yellow fever.” Instead, by cashing in on insulting cliches, they only serve to spread the infection.
—Iris Chung. New York Daily News, 2009.
What in the fuck, so much disgust, especially at the second paragraph I bolded. What is it about our Asianness that makes people do things like this? I’m well aware of the stereotypes; I’ve ranted about them on my Tumblr multiple times by now, but that doesn’t help me understand why non-Asians treat us like this. Learn that we are more than ridiculous stereotypes and sick fetishes, and respect us like real people.
(via bonjoursex)
Girlwriteswhat on why feminism is not a movement for equality. (via gatic)
wow i can’t wait to hear what this “new feminist definition of rape” is
(via agniology)
The definition that the National Organisation for Women lobbied the CDC and FBI for. Under this definition, a male in the situation above is not considered to be a victim of rape, while the female is.
This is important because these definitions were used by the CDC to create the latest Crime Victimisation Report, the results of which were widely disseminated by the media. Feminist organisations have directly led to men being painted as the overwhelming aggressors and women as the delicate victims, when in reality had they analysed their statistics in a manner that made sense, a very similar rate of sexual victimisation would be found for both men and women (and a much higher rate of non-sexual victimisation for men).
(via gatic)
Okay, wtf at this definition and the reputation it’s giving feminists. For the record, I know that men can be raped, and that rape culture shames and emasculates men who are victims of sexual assault (including rape). The TW is mine because people, please use trigger warnings if you’re going to talk about sexual assault.
(via daisysnotebook)
Stop Street Harassment: Holly Kearl (via completelymoribund)
The thing that so many men need to understand is that women do not consider it a compliment when they are being harassed on the street. Women usually feel either embarrassed or terrified or a combination of the two. So stop fucking doing it.
(via sexytypewriter)
it’s so telling that men tend to do this when they’re in a group of other men. and i’ve never had it happen when i’m hanging out with dudes, especially not when i’m with my ginormous dad (most men don’t give a fuck about harassing me if i’m with my mom who is as small as i am). so if it isn’t sexual, or threatening, and you just want to ~make me smile~ then why can you only do it when i’m perceived as vulnerable?
(via hyper—ballad)
I would add that it rarely happens or when I am around men who know that I am dating someone at that time. Many men (certainly not all) are willing to lay off if they perceive that you are “owned” - otherwise, you’re public property, and they’re free to treat you however they like. Any competition that erupts is less to flatter the woman than to establish temporary rights to her, even if they must degrade her to do so.
(via desliz)
that or the nature of the so-called compliments will change if youre w a man. they will go from a respectful “you look beautiful this evening, ma’am” when youre w a dude to some vulgar shit about your pussy, if youre alone. because youre not worthy of respect as just a woman.
(via baddominicana)
So much yes to everything. The only time guys won’t try to approach me is when I’m with a male companion, but even then, I’ve gotten stares and looks that made me uncomfortable. It shouldn’t matter whether I’m alone, with my guy friends, or with my boyfriend; I don’t want your attention, so fuck the hell off and don’t talk to me. I shouldn’t have to carry pepper spray with me at all times and constantly check my surroundings just so I can try to feel safe.
(via bad-dominicana)
“Good morning New York. I’m sorry to bother you. I’m not hungry. I do not want food or money, I just need a little support. I got dumped last week and I’m trying to give her space but I can’t do nothing. If you have any words of advice for me, a quote that resonates with you or a story about second chances, please raise your hand and I’ll come to you. I have sharpie markers and I’ll stay as long as it takes.”
I normally do not reblog this kind of shit, but for any dude that has ever been dumped, still in love and desperately tried to win her heart back, no matter the circumstance…this is legit shit. And do not give me that bullshit “dude, if she dumped you she obviously doesnt want to be with you, just get over it, you pathetic asshole”…First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you.
Your comments are the epitome of rape culture and everything that is wrong with concept of friend-zoning. Fuck you. Like actually fuck you, you entitled piece of shit. Women owe you NOTHING. Women do know what they want, and if they dump you it IS because they don’t want to be with you. Stop perpetuating the sexist assumption that women don’t know their own mind. No means no, and any other interpretation is rape culture at work. You and your commentary can actually fuck off.
As for the OP: I’m speechless. “I’m trying to give her space, but I’m walking around with her face on a sandwich board and I’m convincing everyone that she’s the horrible person here and I’m so unfairly victimised.” Cool story, bro. Tell me more about how you’re irresistible and why everyone should want to be with you.
Reblogging to add: behaviours like this become even more terrifying when you consider that the riskiest time in a woman’s life is when she breaks up with a male partner (in that she is significantly more likely to be murdered than at any other point in her life). Too often that partner perceives the break up as a challenge to their authority/masculinity and take drastic action to either a) get them back or b) stop anyone else from having them either. That - in addition to the rapey/entitled undertones - is what makes this dude’s actions so fucking terrifying.
what a loser
Whoa. That awkward moment you unwittingly expose to the universe precisely why you’ve been dumped in the first place.
The most disconcerting part is that it’s teaming with unspoken manipulation.
Think about it: we dont know why she broke up with him, but a stunt like this makes people presume it wouldn’t have been for good reason. Strangers are suppose to presume he’s The Good Guy, when for all we know, she’s getting away from him because he was — hmm, let’s see — controlling and lacked boundaries. Perhaps even exhibited abusive behaviour toward her. We dont know, but this display? Doesnt exactly help dispel suspicions.
This is like, The Nice Guy Complex™ strung out on the purest cut of Peruvian cocaine.
And @”cuddlingisoptional“ — change your moniker, bro. If you subscribe to or empathize with that level of territorial thinking where DATING is concerned? Yeah, change your handle. Talk about false advertising.
people are not obligated to be with you because you want them and feel an ownership over then and their love. sorry.
and can we talk about the fact that if this was a woman she would get called the most derogatory of things? needy, desperate, stupid, foolish clingly, etc… but when its this guy its commendable. oh, alright
#creepyasfuck
“I got dumped last week and I’m trying to give her space but I can’t do nothing.”
Actually, you can: You can do something by giving her the space she wants. I don’t care how heartbroken and well-intentioned you are; if she told you to give her space, you need to respect that and leave her alone. Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t Facebook-message her, don’t try to contact her unless she says it’s okay for you to do so. Definitely don’t go around doing things like this that expose her identity and vilify her while creating pity for yourself. Seriously, why are you broadcasting this situation to strangers on the subway? You don’t know who might know her, what might happen. Were you hoping that word would get back to her and she’d find it so romantic that she’d want to be with you again? It’s up to her to decide whether she wants to give you a second chance, and if she doesn’t, you better honor that as well and leave her be.
I’m guessing from the amount of notes this has that it happened quite a while ago, but here’s what I’d write if I saw you or someone like you on the subway: FUCK OFF AND LEAVE HER ALONE.
(Source: mendmyheart)
I wish you could add titles to photo posts the way you can to text posts, because this needs a trigger warning preceding it. TW: Rape, rape culture, misogyny.
(Source: whoneedsfeminism)
