bad girls do it well Cristy, 23, New York City. Hong Kong-Chinese American womanist.
This blog is a collection of the personal, the pretty, and the sociopolitical.
Trigger warning for rape/sexual assault, trans/misogyny, racism, and anti-Blackness.
You can message me via my ask box.
"I love women" is not a get out of jail free card. Thicke pulled the same bullshit when he was accused of degrading women in "Blurred Lines": "When we made the song, we had nothing but the most respect for women," he said. How nice of you to say so, Mr. Thicke. Alas, your work shows the opposite to be true. I am fairly certain many of the men who buy sex and consume porn also think they do it because they really, really, love women. NOPE. You love women like I love wine — as something I consume selfishly for my personal benefit and as a product.
Meghan Murphy (No, “female appreciation” is not the same thing as feminism)

(Source: casocracy, via wu-wei-clan)

(Source: whatfreshhellisthis, via wednypls)

inlovewithmyipod:

lierdumoa:

nugget-basket:

the-unpopular-opinions:

The Opposite end of traditional “street harassment”: the girl who never get’s cat called
In feminist spaces I see a lot of feminists complain about being street harassed. I read about it and I totally sympathize with their experiences, even though I have never experienced them myself. I am a female myself but am not conventionally attractive. I am not hideous but more or less a plain jane. On top of that I have ALWAYS valued comfort over style, so dressing feminine isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I wear a lot of loose jeans and T-shirts. But yeah, anyway, know that I  am not trying to play “who has it harder” or anything but rather I am making this to share my experiences of getting the opposite end of the shit-covered stick that is street harassment that I don’t see being mentioned. I call it street dismissal.
When I say street dismissal I am talking about men who feel the need to subtly announce that unattractive women are not worthy of respect or acknowledgement because they are not a conventionally attractive female or their fellow man. 
Some examples I’ve personally experienced include:
Many guys at parties will arrive or leave, give all the men handshakes, give the attractive women hugs, but won’t even make eye contact with me. I am not a guy or a hot girl so I don’t exist.
I’ve been bumped into in public without an apology by men. I am not an attractive girl or your fellow man, so it makes sense for you to not even notice I am there.
One time I was walking behind a group of attractive women. A guy spotted us. Opened the door for the three women and shut the door in my face. I am not worthy of his time because I am not attractive.
I once was charged a cover on ladies night because I went out to the bar in my work uniform. (red shirt khaki pants)
Another time at a bar, I saw an open space to order a drink. The guy sitting next to me saw me, raised his eyebrows and turned the other way to make sure I don’t DARE try to talk to him. (Because I totally went there to hit on him and NOT get a drink right?)
I once went with my gay male friend to a straight guys house he knew. The first thing out of the straight guy’s mouth was “I was totally excited when you had a chick with you. Nevermind!” the whole night he offered my friend drinks and didn’t offer me a thing and seemed frustrated when I asked where the bathroom was. The only other thing he said that night was “do you have any hot single friends that would come over here?”
Another time I went with a female friend of mine to get drinks. We met up with her guy friend. He ordered a round of beers for everyone except me. His excuse was “he didn’t know she was going to bring someone along and he is low on money” that was until his guy friend from high school showed up unexpectedly and he quickly bought him a drink.
These are just examples that have happened to me. So my question is are there any other “unattractive” girls out there that experience things similar to this? 
I just wanted to speak from the other perspective. We always hear the horror stories of sexism from the perspective of the women who are objectified by men in the sense of “oo I want that.” and not too many in the sense of “oo, ew DO NOT WANT” 
This may seem like a big long rant that looks like “WAH PRETTY GIRLS GET THINGS AND I DON’T OH MY LIFE SUCKS” but I don’t mean to come off that way. Because I feel the need to mention that guys don’t do this just to get laid. This is where it’s important to bring up the fact that we are treated with less respect than other men. Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him. 
Misogyny affects  all women negatively. 

THIS IS IMPORTANT

As a woman who gained a lot of weight right out of high-school and spent 3 years in ill fitting clothes and various terrible haircuts, then lost the weight in her early twenties and drastically refined her look — I have lived both sides of this equation. And I think having experienced the dismissal makes it all the more glaringly obvious how hollow the so called “positive” attention really is.

Plus, as a society that women get harassed and cat called and all various other forms of irritation, girls that don’t get that start to wonder what’s wrong with them. Not that you even want to be hit on inappropriately or harassed on the street but when you just get overlooked by 99% of the male population for the people you hang out with, you start to wonder why they get hit on in front of you and you’re always left alone. I consider myself lucky now to have gone so long without the harassment but for a long time I really wondered if I just wasn’t pretty enough for any guy because all my friends always complained about having to turn guys down and attempt to not get hit on and no guy ever did that to me.

inlovewithmyipod:

lierdumoa:

nugget-basket:

the-unpopular-opinions:

The Opposite end of traditional “street harassment”: the girl who never get’s cat called

In feminist spaces I see a lot of feminists complain about being street harassed. I read about it and I totally sympathize with their experiences, even though I have never experienced them myself. I am a female myself but am not conventionally attractive. I am not hideous but more or less a plain jane. On top of that I have ALWAYS valued comfort over style, so dressing feminine isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I wear a lot of loose jeans and T-shirts. But yeah, anyway, know that I  am not trying to play “who has it harder” or anything but rather I am making this to share my experiences of getting the opposite end of the shit-covered stick that is street harassment that I don’t see being mentioned. I call it street dismissal.

When I say street dismissal I am talking about men who feel the need to subtly announce that unattractive women are not worthy of respect or acknowledgement because they are not a conventionally attractive female or their fellow man. 

Some examples I’ve personally experienced include:

  • Many guys at parties will arrive or leave, give all the men handshakes, give the attractive women hugs, but won’t even make eye contact with me. I am not a guy or a hot girl so I don’t exist.
  • I’ve been bumped into in public without an apology by men. I am not an attractive girl or your fellow man, so it makes sense for you to not even notice I am there.
  • One time I was walking behind a group of attractive women. A guy spotted us. Opened the door for the three women and shut the door in my face. I am not worthy of his time because I am not attractive.
  • I once was charged a cover on ladies night because I went out to the bar in my work uniform. (red shirt khaki pants)
  • Another time at a bar, I saw an open space to order a drink. The guy sitting next to me saw me, raised his eyebrows and turned the other way to make sure I don’t DARE try to talk to him. (Because I totally went there to hit on him and NOT get a drink right?)
  • I once went with my gay male friend to a straight guys house he knew. The first thing out of the straight guy’s mouth was “I was totally excited when you had a chick with you. Nevermind!” the whole night he offered my friend drinks and didn’t offer me a thing and seemed frustrated when I asked where the bathroom was. The only other thing he said that night was “do you have any hot single friends that would come over here?”
  • Another time I went with a female friend of mine to get drinks. We met up with her guy friend. He ordered a round of beers for everyone except me. His excuse was “he didn’t know she was going to bring someone along and he is low on money” that was until his guy friend from high school showed up unexpectedly and he quickly bought him a drink.

These are just examples that have happened to me. So my question is are there any other “unattractive” girls out there that experience things similar to this? 

I just wanted to speak from the other perspective. We always hear the horror stories of sexism from the perspective of the women who are objectified by men in the sense of “oo I want that.” and not too many in the sense of “oo, ew DO NOT WANT” 

This may seem like a big long rant that looks like “WAH PRETTY GIRLS GET THINGS AND I DON’T OH MY LIFE SUCKS” but I don’t mean to come off that way. Because I feel the need to mention that guys don’t do this just to get laid. This is where it’s important to bring up the fact that we are treated with less respect than other men. Men aren’t decent people to other men because they want to fuck them. They are decent to them because they see them as equals that deserve basic respect and acknowledgement. But we are women and to these men either you try to fuck them because they are hot or want them to go away. An unattractive woman has no purpose to him. 

Misogyny affects  all women negatively. 

THIS IS IMPORTANT

As a woman who gained a lot of weight right out of high-school and spent 3 years in ill fitting clothes and various terrible haircuts, then lost the weight in her early twenties and drastically refined her look — I have lived both sides of this equation. And I think having experienced the dismissal makes it all the more glaringly obvious how hollow the so called “positive” attention really is.

Plus, as a society that women get harassed and cat called and all various other forms of irritation, girls that don’t get that start to wonder what’s wrong with them. Not that you even want to be hit on inappropriately or harassed on the street but when you just get overlooked by 99% of the male population for the people you hang out with, you start to wonder why they get hit on in front of you and you’re always left alone. I consider myself lucky now to have gone so long without the harassment but for a long time I really wondered if I just wasn’t pretty enough for any guy because all my friends always complained about having to turn guys down and attempt to not get hit on and no guy ever did that to me.

(via petitsirena)

When people fight you to shut you up about a topic like race—and sexism, it means that you have stumbled upon the cultural silence that must be patrolled in order to maintain hegemony.
Junot Díaz (via ethiopienne)

(Source: ethiopienne, via apocalypsecanceled)

I am tired of token women being strong in a man’s world by taking on male attributes: strutting around in black leather, spike heels and wraparound shades, killing people; or riding a horse, swearing a lot, carrying a big sword, and killing people; or piloting a ship through hyperspace, drinking whatever pours, slapping boys on the back, and killing people. I am equally tired of women-only worlds where all the characters are wise, kind, beautiful, stern seven-foot-tall vegetarian amazons who could never dream of killing anyone. I am tired of reading about aliens who are really women, or women who are really aliens.

Women are not aliens. Take away men, and we do not automatically lose our fire and intelligence and sex drive; we do not form hierarchical, static, insectlike societies that are dreadfully inefficient. We do not turn into a homogenous Thought Police culture where meat-eating is banned and men are burned in effigy every full moon. Women are not inherently passive or dominant, maternal, or vicious. We are all different. We are people.

A women-only world, it seems to me, would shine with the entire spectrum of human behavior: there would be capitalists and collectivists, hermits and clan members, sailors and cooks, idealists and tyrants; they would be generous and mean, smart and stupid, strong and weak; they would approach life bravely, fearfully and thoughtlessly. Some might still engage in fights, wars, and territorial squabbles; individuals and cultures would still display insanity and greed and indifference. And they would change and grow, just like anyone else. Because women are anyone else. We are more than half of humanity. We are not imitation people, or chameleons taking on protective male coloration, longing for the day when men go away and we can return to being our true, insectlike, static, vacuous selves. We are here, now. We are just like you.

Nicola Griffith, talking about writing Ammonite (via limousine-eyelash)

Twenty years ago, as she pointed out on Twitter, and still something we need to hear.

(via ktempest)

Just one of many reasons why Nicola is one of my favorite writers in the world. Read her books; they are amazing.

(via gwendabond)

Yes!

(via metteivieharrison)

(Source: dont-deconstruct, via solaceames)

merkkultra:

do men have resting bitch faces as well or do they not have negative characteristics ascribed to them for putting on a neutral rather than a deliriously happy facial expression

Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves.

This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently.

I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place.

I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place.

As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.


excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect from Men So Stop Telling Me That!" @ One Black Girl. Many Words.  (via fajazo)

(Source: daniellemertina, via aloofshahbanou)

Whenever I hear the "Women are paid $.78 for the man’s $1" I flip it around.

Men make $1.22 for every woman’s $1.

It interests me that even the most common simple measure of gender inequality is firmly based on male-as-normative …

bisexual activist and queer theory blogger Patrick RichardsFink 

this is an interesting point, although mathematically inaccurate: assuming the women:men, 0.78:1 ratio is correct, men make $1.28 for every woman’s $1

A white man makes $1.34 for every dollar that a Black man makes

A white man makes $1.52 for every dollar that a Latino man makes

A white man makes $1.24 for every dollar that a white woman makes

A white man makes $1.44 for every dollar that a Black woman makes

A white man makes $1.67 for every dollar that a Latina woman makes

That’s some bullshit right there.

Let’s take it a step further. For every hour a white man works, a Black woman has to work 86 minutes to earn as much money. 57.6 hours a week compared to the white man’s 40.

Take it another step further. Assuming a Monday through Friday, 9 to 5 job, from Thursday 12:45pm through Friday end of business, a white man gets paid for his work, a Black woman is, by comparison, working for free.

(via quentintortellini)

THE LAST LINE

(via covenesque)

(Source: fliponymous, via vivanlosancestros)

She found it difficult to discuss physics, much less debate it, with her predominantly male classmates. At first they paid a kind of selective inattention to her remarks. There would be a slight pause, and then they would go on as if she had not spoken. Occasionally they would acknowledge her remark, even praise it, and then again continue undeflected. She was reasonably sure her remarks were not entirely foolish, and did not wish to be ignored, much less ignored and patronized alternately. Part of it—but only a part—she knew was due to the softness of her voice. So she developed a physics voice, a professional voice: clear, competent, and many decibels above conversational. With such a voice it was important to be right. She had to pick her moments. It was hard to continue long in such a voice, because she was sometimes in danger of bursting out laughing. So she found herself leaning towards quick, sometimes cutting, interventions, usually enough to capture their attention; then she could go on for a while in a more usual tone of voice. Every time she found herself in a new group she would have to fight her way through again, just to dip her oar into the discussion. The boys were uniformly unaware even that there was a problem.

Sometimes she would be engaged in a laboratory exercise or a seminar when the instructor would say, “Gentlemen, let’s proceed,” and sensing Ellie’s frown would add, “Sorry, Miss Arroway, but I think of you as one of the boys.” The highest compliment they were capable of paying was that in their minds she was not overtly female.

She had to fight against developing too combative a personality or becoming altogether a misanthrope. She suddenly caught herself. “Misanthrope” is someone who dislikes everybody, not just men. And they certainly had a word for someone who hates women: “misogynist.” But the male lexicographers had somehow neglected to coin a word for the dislike of men. They were almost entirely men themselves, she thought, and had been unable to imagine a market for such a word.

Carl Sagan, Contact (22)

(Source: bananapeppers, via princelawliet)

Being…a woman is an awful tragedy. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars—to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording—all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night.
Sylvia Plath (via ethiopienne)
What men want, America delivers

thescarletwoman:

From Robin Thicke’s latest songs to abortion restrictions around the country, America’s all about men’s desires

So much of our culture caters to giving men what they want. A high school student invites model Kate Upton to attend his prom, and he’s congratulated for his audacity. A male fan at a Beyoncé concert reaches up to the stage to slap her ass because her ass is there, her ass is magnificent, and he wants to feel it. The science fiction fandom community is once again having a heated discussion, across the Internet, about the ongoing problem of sexual harassment at conventions — countless women are telling all manner of stories about how, without their consent, they are groped, ogled, lured into hotel rooms under false pretenses, physically lifted off the ground, and more.

But men want what they want. We should all lighten up.

It’s hard not to feel humorless as a woman and a feminist, to recognize misogyny in so many forms, some great and some small, and know you’re not imagining things. It’s hard to be told to lighten up because if you lighten up any more, you’re going to float the fuck away. The problem is not that one of these things is happening, it’s that they are all happening, concurrently and constantly.

These are just songs. They are just jokes. They are just movies. It’s just a hug. They’re just breasts. Smile, you’re beautiful. Can’t a man pay you a compliment? In truth, this is all a symptom of a much more virulent cultural sickness — one where women exist to satisfy the whims of men, one where a woman’s worth is consistently diminished or entirely ignored.

Or I could put it this way. Let’s say this is simply the world we live in. If there is a spectrum of misogyny with pop culture on one end and the disrespect for women’s boundaries in the middle, on the other end, we have our nation’s lawmakers who implicitly encourage this entire spectrum to thrive.

one of my favourite articles this year so far. ‘Men want what they want’ sums up SO much of the rape culture that we live in and live with. Very well done, and another great article about why the Blurred Lines song and video is not just good plain fun, but sexist fun. 

(via clickbreatheclick)

My early youth was shaped by things like Olivia Newton-John, Luke and Laura, Rubik’s Cube, and the days when MTV was all music, all the time. Like a typical ‘80s suburban kid, I loved roller-skating, wore oversized sweaters with shoulder pads, and big, dangly earrings. But I moved through the world thinking that my difference, which was always felt, meant something was wrong with me. If I tried hard enough (which involved many bad perms), I’d overcome it. There was no one to tell me otherwise. There were other Korean kids around, but they weren’t allowed to hang out with me.

Here’s what happened. My mother left my father when I was about eight, and I lived with her until high school. Because of this, the local Korean community cast both her and me out as disreputable, untouchable, morally tainted. For a time, my mother and me, we were all we had. It cemented in my mind that breaking gender rules meant losing stuff – your friends, your nice middle-class neighborhood, your cultural ties, and your sense of identity. The Korean community ostracized my mother, who had founded and scrubbed the floors of Buffalo’s first Korean church, not because her actions were wrong, but because her gender was. There was no reason good enough for a Korean immigrant woman to leave her husband, and no castigation severe enough. On the other hand, my father maintained his place and privilege in the community.

Mom and I moved into a small, downtown apartment with no furniture. I’d hear the phone ring late at night, and find her on the kitchen floor listening to church leaders tell her that she’d die alone and burn in hell. The upshot was that growing up, I learned to hate Koreans. And at school, in the seemingly perfect white faces of those around me, I saw not myself, but my deficiencies. Rather than seeing white supremacy as the source of my alienation, it was easier to blame all Korean people for how I felt.

Soya Jung, Where I Come From (via amazing-how-you-love)

(via fascinasians)

too many dudes. i’m so sick of dudes. every time i see something with a dude in it i’m like ‘fuck you, i don’t want to watch this.’

my glorious roommate, as she spreads peanut butter on a saltine (via kyrigiris)

How I feel about mainstream media, and also most YA novels.

(Source: baby-fish-mouth, via vivanlosancestros)

Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves.

This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently.

I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place.

I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place.

As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.


excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect from Men So Stop Telling Me That!" @ One Black Girl. Many Words. (via fajazo)

(Source: daniellemertina, via petitsirena)

Look how your children grow up. Taught from their earliest infancy to curb their love natures — restrained at every turn! Your blasting lies would even blacken a child’s kiss. Little girls must not be tomboyish, must not go barefoot, must not climb trees, must not learn to swim, must not do anything they desire to do which Madame Grundy has decreed “improper.” Little boys are laughed at as effeminate, silly girl-boys if they want to make patchwork or play with a doll. Then when they grow up, “Oh! Men don’t care for home or children as women do!” Why should they, when the deliberate effort of your life has been to crush that nature out of them. “Women can’t rough it like men.” Train any animal, or any plant, as you train your girls, and it won’t be able to rough it either.

Voltairine de Cleyre (via petitefeministe)

The best part of this essay is when she advocates for children to be brought up with no gender-role stereotyping, and gets in some not-so-subtle digs at heterocentricism and heterosexism in the process.

Did I mention this was written over a hundred years ago? Because it totally was.

(via missvoltairine)

(Source: liberationfrequency, via princelawliet)